5 Keys To Learn To Love Without Attachment And Not Suffer In The Attempt

Loving without attachment does not mean wanting less or building a weak bond with the partner in question. When we talk about attachment it is easy to confuse the odd term.

When we speak of couple relationships, the word “attachment” implies dependence, and dependence results in the loss of dignity and the destruction of self-esteem.

That depersonalization that we sometimes establish with the loved one is neither healthy nor responds to any logic. Therefore, sooner or later frustration, blackmail, emptiness and consequent pain appear.

1. Avoid being an “affective addict”

The basis of attachment in a couple relationship is built on a series of very specific psychological and affective processes, as well as complex.

There are people who, above all else, need to be loved. Such is the need that they confuse control with affection, or jealousy with passion. This is stated in this study carried out by the University of Oviedo.

Something that we must be very clear about is that someone who truly loves invests time, dedication and effort in giving happiness.

Affective addicts experience love in the same way that an addict needs his “drug. ” They don’t care about the side effects, they don’t care about the pain or that slow personal self-destruction.

We must never go to these extremes. Understand that any type of dependence, whether towards something or someone, depersonalizes us, we stop being ourselves to become a puppet.

2. Not having attachment is not heartbreak, it is loving in a mature way

To understand these terms more easily, we will give you an example. Elena is 28 years old and has been dating Rafael for 3 years. Her life has changed a lot in this time, so much so that she has even stopped going out with her friends, and her professional projects have been parked.

• She doesn’t care, she tells herself that her only concern and her only need is to make Rafael happy. Although, sometimes, she misses those outings with her friends, talking to them or even her job as a journalist.
• As time passes, Elena wonders if she is doing things right. She is clear that she loves her partner, but feels that she is inside a circle that increasingly oppresses her, that leaves her breathless.
• What our protagonist should do in this case is not to leave Rafael, it is to “detach” from that affective dependence and learn to love in a mature way.

Loving someone does not imply leaving aside who we are, or what identifies us. Leaving everything for someone will make us feel frustrated sooner or later. We must learn to prioritize ourselves, to say “I love myself” and “I love you.”

3. Love has a limit and it is called dignity

Love has impassable limits, borders and barriers. Having them clear from the beginning can prevent us from suffering uselessly.

Self-esteem is an essential limit . If they belittle us, ridicule us or make us feel weak, they are not loving us in a healthy and mature way.

Personal dignity does not admit discounts; it is a root of our personal growth that no one can or should uproot or damage.

4. Become the person you want to meet first

When a person builds a relationship based on attachment, it is common for their mental schema to be governed by the idea of  “I am not able to take care of myself: without him or her I am nobody.”

Reaching these personal extremes is, without a doubt, a depersonalization of ourselves and a significant drop in self-esteem. It is, therefore, important to avoid this type of affective addiction and start a path parallel to that of our partner, but at the same time accompanied.

Instead of finding the ideal partner, let us first worry about loving ourselves and having the personality we want to have so as not to be puppets or molds of the other person.

Become a person without voids, emotionally strong and full of happiness, joy and positive thoughts.

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